Fluff
by I-am-LMR
Summary: Another of my 3,978 ways to hook up Alex and Bobby, this one involving a double date and the most trite, overused plot in history! Fluffy, duh. BA 'ship
1. Spit Happens

**Fluff (working title: I Just Watched "Untethered," it's 2:43 a.m. and If I Don't Write Something Fluffy I am Going to Go Insane)**

**By LMR**

Disclaimer: I don't want to be the real writers of CI. They just keep screwing everything up! That's why I had to write this!

**Chapter 1: Spit Happens**

**xXx**

"You can't just eat the rest of it and leave the crusts!" Alex informed her partner, appalled at his dining sensibilities.

Bobby shrugged, tossing his wadded napkin onto the table. "You can have 'em."

She scowled. "First of all, I am not a scavenger. It is not my job to eat the pieces you leave behind. And second, they've got your spit all over them."

"There's nothing wrong with my spit," Bobby insisted somewhat defensively.

"No, see, there are two things wrong with it. It's spit. And it's yours."

Bobby paid no attention. "Did you know that the average person puts out about point seven five liters of saliva every day?" He said this as if it were a natural follow-up.

"Did I want to?" Alex countered.

"Probably not." Bobby paused, as if trying to think of a topic besides spit. "Hey Eames?"

"What?" she asked, trying not to sound pre-emtively annoyed. _Hopefully_, she thought, _he's going to change the subject_.

"There's only a point oh-two percent genetic variance in saliva from one person to the next." She raised an eyebrow, his cue to continue, whether she wanted to hear it or not. "So your spit is the same as mine."

"So you won't mind if I hock a loogie in your face?" she offered, taking another bite.

"Well, I'd rather you didn't," he answered calmly. "But I'd eat pizza crusts even if they had your spit on them." He said this as if it were the most profound compliment one human being could give another.

"Well, if you'd eat pizza crusts with my spit, then eat your own damn pizza crusts with your own stupid spit!" Alex demanded, trying very hard not to look amused.

"I don't _want _pizza crusts," Bobby explained patiently. "I'm just saying that if I did, I wouldn't be bothered by the fact that they had your saliva on them."

"Thanks, I think. But I didn't ask what you thought of _my _spit. I just pointed out that your spit is gross."

"Actually, you never said that." He put his chin in his hand a pouted just a little. "That's kind of insulting."

Alex snorted. "I once called you a 'dunderheaded llama brain' and you grinned like an idiot. I say your spit is gross and you're insulted." She shook her head.

"Well, the first one was clever," he explained.

"Bobby, spit is gross. Your spit, my spit, horse spit, bull spit, it's all gross." She put a five down for the waiter and stood, hoping no one around them was listening.

"It's ninety-nine percent water, Eames," Bobby said through laughter. "What's the big deal?"

She waved him off. "You're the one making it a big deal. I'm just saying that it's gross. No big deal."

Bobby wondered if he dare bring it up.

He dare. "Is kissing gross?" he asked quietly.

"That's different," Alex said decisively, practically pulling the chair out from under him in her haste to leave the restaurant.

But Bobby wasn't about to let it go. "How is it different?"

"It just is. It's kissing, not spit."

"Technically, Eames," he said with mock solemnity. "Saliva is spit whether it leaves the mouth through projectile or... other means. So kissing is still spit."

"Okay, fine. You caught me on a technicality. But if you're close enough to somebody to be sticking your tongue down their throat, it's acceptable."

Bobby faked a wounded look. "Eames, I would take a bullet for you." Dramatic pause. "Doesn't that earn my spit some respect?"

"I know you would." Alex smiled up at him, holding his gaze for just a moment. The tender look was immediately replaced with one of utmost annoyance. "And no, it doesn't. Besides, you don't think about the spit part when you're kissing, you're having too much fun with the kissing part."

He pondered this; gave a conceding nod of the head. "What about the pizza? That's not good enough to not think about the spit?"

"The crusts aren't. That's why you don't eat them, remember? Your tenacity on the subject is surprising me, though, Bobby."

"What surprises me is that you've been my partner for seven years while I've poked, prodded, sniffed, and tasted crime scenes complete with corpses and _spit _grosses you out."

She stopped walking for a moment and her face scrunched up. "You never taste crime scenes."

"Not while you're looking," he mumbled, hoping she wouldn't think too much about it. "But we were talking about kissing."

"Not without a date, Bobby," she responded dryly, immediately wishing she'd kept her big mouth shut.

**xXx**

I'm half-asleep and open to suggestions.


	2. Doubles

**Fluff**

**By LMR**

Disclaimer: If I were the real writers of CI, I'd be in hiding begging fans not to throw tomatoes at me for giving poor Bobby even more hell than he already had. I'm not, so I'm writing him and his future lover into a happier place.

**Chapter 2: Doubles**

**xXx**

Bobby chuckled to buy time before responding to what Alex had said. It was a pleasant thought, but there was no way she was ever going to be up for his preferred method of settling the "saliva is gross" debate. He pushed the thought from his mind.

_Did I just propose a date with Bobby_? Alex though, cursing her sarcasm. She would have loved to have one, of course, but it didn't seem wise to bring it up. If he rebuffed her, not only would she be mortified, but she might lose him. Time to end the topic. "I'm sorry I said your saliva is gross. I'm sure it's just fine," she said diplomatically. "And I'm sure there are plenty of women out there to confirm that," she added.

Bobby grinned. "Was that a grumble, Eames? I was just sure I caught a hint of annoyance in there somewhere."

Alex again wished her big mouth would just let itself be controlled by her brain for once. "What, precisely, do I have to grumble about, Bobby?"

"Absolutely nothing. That's why I'm pointing it out." Bobby wondered why he didn't shut up. It might have _sounded_ like Eames wasn't thrilled about those other women, but there was not a chance she was actually jealous.

"I'm just jealous," Alex admitted in a burst of inspiration. "Because you seem to have a better love life than I do." She paused, wondering if she could trust herself to continue with the topic. "Do you have a girlfriend?" Bobby raised an eyebrow at her and she clarified: "Well, I have to approve of any girlfriend of yours, you know. I get to decide whether or not she's good enough for you."

Bobby smiled and raised his hands a little. "No one for you to approve of, sorry." He furrowed his brow suspiciously, not sure if he wanted to know. "What about you? Do I get to beat off your boyfriend if I don't think he's good enough?"

"Nothing I could do to stop you," Alex snarled. "But it doesn't matter because I'm single at the moment."

"Sorry to hear that," he lied. "But keep it in mind next time you meet a guy. I want to meet him before the third date and clobber him if necessary," he instructed.

Alex couldn't help but smile at his (regretably brotherly) devotion to her. "Ditto." She paused in thought. "We should double date sometime. Make it easier to judge each other's potentials."

Bobby winced. The thought of being forced to watch Eames on a date with another man made him want to be sick.

Or maybe that was the five pieces of pizza he'd just eaten.

"I don't know if that's such a good idea, Eames."

"Why not?" Alex answered, incredulous.

_Because I would want to beat the guy senseless and have you all to myself,_ he thought. "Because it would be awkward," he said. "I would have to see you exchanging spit." _with someone else,_ he mentally added.

"You could be a gentleman and turn away for that part. Besides, it's not like I would be thrilled to see you do that either." _with another woman_.

"I guess it's not such a bad idea, Eames. Tell you what - next date you get, we double. Deal?"

Alex smirked. "Deal." They shook on it.

**xXx**

Please review!


	3. The Perfect Man and Woman for Them

**Fluff**

**By LMR**

Disclaimer: I stole it because the writers seem intent on torturing Bobby (literally and figuratively). Now that it's mine, Bobby and Alex will be transported to a happy world where the worst thing they'll have to worry about is what to do with their spittle-flecked pizza crusts.

A.N.: Thanks a bunch for the reviews and adds!

A.N. 2: I know there are some non-'shippers reading. Um... might wanna stop now. If you want useless and ridiculous banter with a friends-only slant, you might want to try the "Squeaky" stories.

**Chapter 3: The Perfect Man and Woman For Them (yeah, right)**

**xXx**

_Deal?! What am I getting myself into?_ Alex wondered. Then again, she figured it wouldn't matter because the odds of her getting a date during the time ADD Bobby would still remember their deal...

"Great!" Bobby piped enthusiastically. "Start looking for a date." He paused thoughtfully. "I think I know who I might be asking..."

Alex looked forward to the date with dread. Even just hearing Bobby's considering asking another woman on a date gave her an uncomfortable pang of jealousy. Going on that date with him was going to be nothing short of a nightmare.

_Besides, my date has to be good enough to make his look like a slob. I'm sick of being jealous of his love life. Let him be jealous of mine for once!_

xXx

James had an adorable smile. That was the first thought that popped into Alex's mind when she met him in line at the Wal-Mart. Thoughtful, too. He insisted that she go ahead of him in the express lane because she had exactly one item fewer than he did. What a gentleman!

It was still a few minute's wait, so the two passed the time talking about anything that came to mind. He was intrigued by the fact that she was a cop rather than disturbed or annoyed by it as many men were. He was a social worker. _Hm, gentleman with adorable smile who cares about people. Me likie. _By the time she had reached the front of the line, Alex had worked up the courage to ask him for his number.

As soon as she'd put away all her groceries, she dialed a number she knew by heart.

"Time to start looking for a date, Bobby."

xXx

He met his "perfect" date in the produce section. "Hey, you look like you know what you're doing. Can you tell if these melons are any good? I'm not having any luck squeezing them, and that's all I know what to do with melons." Bobby, of course, knew exactly how to tell if a melon was any good, but darn, she was cute! She had a wry smile and lovely hazel eyes.

"Put your eyes back in your head, bub, and leave me out of your 'melon' issues," she said dryly.

"Huh?" His face was scrunched up in puzzlement, but he saw the woman take a glance down at her admittedly small breasts and realized she'd misunderstood him. "No! I- I don't know anything about produce. I just kind of guessed that you might. I mean, by the way you were sniffing and squeezing those peppers over there... I figured you might be able to help."

She flashed her wry smile. "Sorry, mister. I've had no men in my life lately that weren't married or cheaters. I guess I've just started to assume the worst of all of you. I've become a cynical old spinster." She laughed lightly.

"Call me Bobby. Mister makes me feel like an old man." Her name was Tanya, and by the time the melons started to get bored with their conversations, Bobby had her number.

"You're on, Eames."

**xXx**

Everyone who thinks Bobby and Alex are the most clueless detectives in history raise your hand... thought so. But you gotta review to tell me, dontcha?


	4. The Travesty of a Date part 1

**Fluff**

**By LMR**

Disclaimer: If CI belonged to me, anti-'shippers would have to quit watching. And they better quit reading, too. Not that anti-'shippers aren't welcome to read my stuff, but why punish yourselves?

A.N.: **http://forums. PLEASE! Show Dick Wolf the fans want that _'ship_!**

A.N. 2: If any of us need any more proof that anti-'shippers are both blind _and _clueless, the anti-'shipper in my family has just informed me that she does not think VDO is at all hot.

Yup. Blind and clueless.

**Chapter 4: The Travesty of a Date (part 1)**

**xXx**

"Eames. You look... different." _If by "different" you mean breathtakingly beautiful, absolutely amazing, God, I wish I could kiss you gorgeous. _The front strands of her hair were tied back and she was wearing her little black dress and just a touch of make-up.

She smiled tenderly with a hint of shyness, then recovered her snark. "Thanks. I think." She looked him up and down. Khaki pants with a navy blue sweater, both tight in all the right places. "You don't look so bad yourself." It was a serious understatement, and she made a point of checking him out as he walked toward the car.

After buckling up, she got back to the point. "I've got James's address right here. You got Tanya's?" He handed her a piece of paper. "Hm, nice neighborhood." _The little-_

"All set?" Bobby asked cheerily.

xXx

"Hi James. Nice to meet you. I'm Bobby, Alex's partner." He threw the (_good-looking, dammit_) man a barely perceptible glance that, if paused for more than a fraction of a second, would have sent the clear message: _Do anything to damage my partner's heart, and I will hurt you. _He was honor-bound to maim any man who dared to mess around with her emotions, which was one of the two reasons the smitten Lewis kept his distance. Bobby really didn't want to have to kill his other best friend.

"Tanya's place isn't too far," he informed James, missing the trace of a sour look that crossed Alex's face.

xXx

_She's beautiful_, Alex thought, annoyed. _Well, at least she's flat. _She looked down at her own chest. _ Thank you, Nathan. _Truth be told, Bobby was thinking the same thing. Not that his date was flat, but that his partner _wasn't_, and her little black dress showed it, too. She'd been wearing lower cut shirts ever since she'd given birth, and Bobby had done his best to ignore the fact, but it was pretty hard not to notice it now. _And good Lord, does that thing even _have _a back?! _ Her naked skin was smooth, ivory, and positively alluring. Absurd as he knew the thought was, he found himself feeling slighted that Eames had just met this James guy and she was already trying to look good for _him_.

_I hope Bobby notices how good I look. Oh, and James too, I guess. _She glanced at both men to see what reactions she was getting. James seemed impressed, stealing glances at her every few seconds. Bobby was giving Tanya most of his attention, naturally, as he introduced the three of them, but Alex couldn't help but imagine that his eyes looked darker than usual when he looked at her. _Nah, couldn't be_.

xXx

Bobby had suggested an authentic little out of the way Japanese place called "Hikooki To Neko," that he assured them all was both charming and delicious. The ride over was… Interesting.

Both men were eyeing Tanya with interest. Her gray dress looked good, and even Alex had to admit she looked good in it. While the women had complimented each other's outfits in that way that never fails to confuse proximal males, neither seemed overly thrilled at the good looks of the other. Naturally, Alex felt that both men paid more attention to Tanya, and Tanya was just sure Alex was getting all the longing glances.

The four tried to make small talk, but it seemed as if every topic (including a cloud that looked like a pregnant camel)reminded either Bobby or Alex of some previous conversation. The two would try in vain to explain the story to their dates, and usually such tales ended with something akin to "You just had to be there." Someone gave a weary laugh, and while the detectives would politely attempt to change the topic, they would invariably glance at each other and one of them would start cracking up, leaving their dates to feel bewildered and somewhat jilted.

Once they got to Hikooki, etc., the four exited the car and the men held the doors for their respective dates, impressing both of them. The seating was a little awkward. They were directed to a booth, and without thinking, Bobby and Alex slid into the middle together, leaving their dates to sandwich them. James raised an eyebrow but said nothing.

Bobby turned to his date. "Would you be offended if I offered to pick up the tab?" he wondered.

Tanya beamed. "No man's ever asked me that before. They either pressure me to let them or don't offer. I wouldn't mind at all, if you'd like to."

Bobby smiled his most charming smile. "I'd prefer it."

"Um," James started. "It sounds a little trite after he just asked, but I really did intend to. Would you mind, Alex? I'd be happy to pay for both of us."

She smiled. "Not trite at all. But don't just feel pressured because Bobby's being Mr. Smooth." She turned to Bobby, smirking and whispered, "Suck up."

James's brow may have furrowed just a bit, but Tanya was sure it was just her imagination.

**xXx**

I busted my patooki cranking this one out, so I hope it's satisfactory. I figure I owe you guys for giving you such a pathetic chapter of "Electricity." And thanks for not complaining and/or maiming me for giving you about a lousy quarter page without any 'ship stuff, to boot!

Review, review! Even if it's just to say "I liked it." Or maybe "This didn't _totally _suck!"


	5. Comparing Notes

**Fluff**

**By LMR**

Disclaimer: With the writers' strike going on, I think we should take over, necessitating these slight changes:

1.Chris Noth and his co-star of the moment are out of a job.

2.Cases? What cases?

3.Bobby will no longer wear suits that cover every gorgeous inch of him. And of course…

4.The show will be moving from USA to the Spice Channel. ;)

A.N.: Thanks for the nice reviews! And yeah, I guess I'm getting pretty predictable regarding James and Tanya's fate. You guys already know what's gonna happen.

**Chapter 5: Comparing Notes, aka The Travesty of a Date Part 2**

**xXx**

The small talk while waiting for dinner to arrive was no less uncomfortable than that on the ride over. To avoid a case of the 'You had to be there's, the detectives spent a lot of time letting their dates talk about themselves.

"That's my phone, sorry. Just a minute." Alex looked at the screen and frowned. "It's Ross," she groaned, shooting Bobby a significant look. "Excuse me for a minute, I really need to take this." James stood so she could slide out of the booth.

Bobby started, as if he had just realized something. "I better go see what he wants. I'm sure it's nothing. We'll be back soon." Tanya let him out and the two detectives headed for the lobby, leaving their dates to feel even more left out than they'd already been.

James gave a little laugh. "Phone call, right. They've gone to compare notes."

Tanya nodded, looking somewhat sour. "What do you think they're saying?"

James shrugged. "Judging by the way your date has been hovering over mine like a mother hen, I'd say he's deciding whether or not he needs to pound the snot out of me."

Her eyes widened. "You really think so?"

He nodded. "I wouldn't worry about it: I've been a perfect gentleman," he said with a smile. Tanya nodded and inwardly agreed.

She pondered this information. "Alex is doing the same with me, I suppose. "So you think she likes me?"

James smiled and looked at the floor before facing her again. "I wouldn't say _that_. But I don't think she disapproves of the way you treat Bobby, no."

He shook his head. "It's too bad, really. Alex is a terrific woman."

Tanya raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean by that?"

"I don't have a chance. She's 'emotionally unavailable,' let's say."

"Okay, right now I'm not feeling like the quickest rat in the race," Tanya said wryly. "Please clarify."

"Well, technically she's not involved with anyone, but she's not really interested in me. It's all about..." she gestured to Bobby's seat. "You notice the way her head always tilts away from him? And how her pupils tend to dilate even though we're sitting right under a light? They won't touch, either. They keep this distance from each other." He tilted his head thoughtfully.

Tanya seemed to catch on. "You mean Bobby and Alex...?"

James was incredulous that she hadn't seen it already, but enough of a gentleman not to act like it. "Oh, you haven't noticed. I guess you have to look for it. My mind wanders to useless things like that." Actually, James had been told many times that he was ridiculously observant, but he thought it would be more polite to make it sound like it didn't come naturally. "And you can see," he continued. "The... the daggers Alex has been glaring into your head." She shook her head. "Tanya, I really hate to tell you this, but we're excuses. We're a safe front for them to go on a date with each other without having to come right out and ask."

She shrugged and sighed. "Well, might as well make the most of it.

"So you said you're in social work?"

xXx

"Well, Bobby? Do you approve or do I need to protect my date?"

Bobby shrugged. "He seems okay." He glared critically. "He hasn't tried to touch you, has he?"

Alex laughed. "With you sitting right there? Not unless he's trying for suicide by cop. What about Tanya? Do I need to defend your honor or anything?"

"Tanya's... nice," he admitted. "I like her. Do you?"

Alex looked simultaneously confused and touched. "Well, I _approve_, if that's what you mean. Whether or not I _like _her doesn't really matter, does it?"

"It does to me," Bobby answered quietly. She smiled. "So do you?"

Alex knew that if she said no, Bobby would be unlikely to ask her out again. She would have loved nothing more.

"Yes, Bobby. She seems very nice."

"Hm," he said simply. He couldn't have said why he was disappointed with Alex's answer.

"Do you like James?"

_I'd like to tie him in a knot and drop kick him off the Grand Canyon. Or at least never let him within twenty miles of you. _ "Yeah. He seems like a good guy." A pause. "I noticed the way he held the door for you; let you chose your seat first, things like that."

"Yeah, well, you did those things for Tanya," Alex pointed out. She hesitated. "Is she getting a second date?"

"I guess so," Bobby answered, sounding startled.

"Lucky lady." She paused. "I guess James is too." She sounded disappointed.

"Lucky guy."

**xXx**

2Read - Review Mean


	6. The Travesty of a Date part 2

**Fluff**

**By LMR**

Disclaimer: I would never claim to own CI. I would, however, claim to own a purple bamboo tree that sprouts blue pumpkins. I don't, but I would claim to.

**Chapter 6: The Travesty of a Date part 3, or, maybe this date won't be all bad after all…**

**xXx**

James shifted uncomfortably in the booth, not sure how to ask. Bobby and Alex hadn't come back to the table yet, and he was beginning to realize that he didn't mind. He swallowed nervously. "So... would you like to dance?"

Tanya looked somewhat scandalized. "With _you?_" she ejaculated, knowing too late that she'd sounded a bit rude. "But- Bobby and Alex. They're our..." She whispered as if their dates were right behind them.

James looked down, looking both thoughtful and abashed, and reminding Tanya somehow of a boy asking a girl on his first date. "I was thinking we could dance with them and then trade after a while. I mean, it's not that I don't want to be here with Alex, or I don't want to dance with her, I just..." His voice trailed off.

"I don't know, James. It just seems so..."

"Fallacious," he agreed, nodding. He leaned his chin thoughtfully on his fisted hands. "Somehow, I don't think they would mind."

Tanya considered this. "We'd be doing them a favor, really," she insisted, leaning closer to James. "I mean, they want to, right? But they would never ask."

"Absolutely," he agreed, flashing his most charming smile. He couldn't explain his sudden attraction to Tanya over Alex. _Cognitive dissonance maybe: I can't have Alex, but that doesn't matter: I like Tanya better_. That was probably it. It wasn't that he could just instinctively known so soon that she would become special to him or anything. The concept of love at first sight was just a manifestation of desperation or an exhilaration effect. Love?! _Good grief_, he thought. _I've gone over the deep end for sure!_

Tanya and James were snapped out of their guilty thoughts by Alex's voice. "The dolt just wanted to know when our paperwork on the Layne case would be in. Like _that_ couldn't wait."

It wasn't until the partners had taken their seats that James spoke up. "I was just wondering if maybe you wanted to dance?" He put enough of a question into his eyes as he suggested this that Alex couldn't help but be reminded of a puppy dog. She smiled, stood and offered James her hand, an inquisitive expression on her face.

Bobby turned to Tanya with a questioning, little boy look. "Love to," she replied.

"I hope you're having a good time?" Bobby asked of Tanya once that had started to dance to a slow, mellow, and suspiciously elevatorial tune.

"Aside from wanting to kill whoever designed these shoes…" she snarked. Bobby smiled, guessing that her joke meant she was in a good mood. "Other than that, I'm having a great time." She considered this. "You are by far the most… thoughtful date I've had in quite some time."

"You deserve it," he responded quietly. Truth was, Bobby sincerely believed that (almost) all women deserved to be treated that way, but he certainly knew better than to point that out to his date. Of course, as his date, she also deserved all his attention, and she certainly didn't have it. He peered over her shoulder, attempting to look concerned or protective of his partner rather than vexed by her dancing partner. Alex seemed to be having a good time. She was smiling and giving him her "yeah, I thought so" look, usually reserved for a sarcastic reaction to a male admission of guilt. One of her joking looks that Bobby sometimes forgot were not reserved for him alone.

"Houston, we have a space case," Tanya said flatly.

"I'm sorry. My mind goes off on tangents. Half the time I don't know where it is." He gave her his most adorable smile. "You have all my attention." Tanya gave him a smirk that was meant to convey that she was pleased by his gentlemanly ways, but was, in fact, a look of smug understanding: She knew something she wasn't supposed to.

But Bobby wasn't totally in the dark himself. He saw Tanya's head nonchalantly tilt her head around his arm. He might not have thought anything of it had she not given a guilty start every time he drew her attention away from Alex, and more importantly, James.

xXx

James was a good dancer, Alex noted. He led with confidence, but without being overbearing or controlling. He also didn't seem to be daunted by her off-color sense of humor as many of her dates had been in the past. He gave her his attention and asked about her rather than talking about himself, as Alex was accustomed to on dates. She wondered how her partner was faring with his date. She looked, but they weren't dancing where they had been moments ago.

"May I cut in?" Bobby's voice startled her out of his thoughts.

Alex had to suppress a smile. "Bobby, I don't think that's really app-"

"No, no, that's okay," James hastily interrupted. He then proceeded to apologize for interrupting. He gave a miniature bow. "Tanya," he acknowledged politely. Tanya tried to look slightly (but not too much) disappointed with the partner change.

"Overprotective ninny," Alex hissed. But couldn't keep the smile out of her voice. She settled herself comfortably in Bobby's arms, pretending to look a little awkward and jumpy. Bobby's hand was hovering about half an inch from her waist. She tossed him an "oh please" look and moved his hand till he was touching her. "So... how goes it?"

"I'm not sure she's interested in me," he answered quietly.

Alex huffed. "Give me one good reason why any woman wouldn't consider you a great catch?"

Bobby had been talking about her obvious interest in James, but he saw an opportunity and he wasn't about to let it slip. "I don't know about 'a great catch,' but yeah, I guess she could be interested."

Alex lightly smacked his shoulder in tandem with her words. "Great. Catch." Exactly the reaction he'd hoped for. Well, his shoulder didn't think so, but still. He raised an eyebrow inquisitively. "Wha-?" she said, aghast "You're thoughtful, a gentleman, smart, compassionate. Good-looking, great dancer." _ Kissable lips, gorgeous body_. She looked down reflexively. _Huge feet. Down, Alex! _She shook her head, as if physically clearing it. "Point is, you're a great guy." She finally looked up at him for a reaction.

He looked... touched. "Thank you, Eames. That means a lot coming from you." He allowed a pause for his words to sink in. "But I don't think I'm the problem." He nodded toward the other pair of dancers. Tanya was laughing, presumably at some witty remark of James's. He seemed to have those in spades. "Sorry, Eames. I didn't mean for her to... Sorry."

Alex shrugged. "It's not your fault. Sometimes people just..." She didn't know how to finish her thought, so she left it at that.

**xXx**

You are getting very sleepy. Your eyes are growing heavy. You _will _review.


	7. Uncomfortable

**Fluff**

**By LMR**

Disclaimer: I danced away with the deed to CI. Unfortunately, the only dance I know is the Macarena, so it didn't get me too far. The security guards apprehended me outside Dick Wolf's office and had me put in the rubber room because I actually _know _the Macarena, which is clearly grounds for insanity.

A.N.: Wow! Hypnotism works! Thanks for the great reviews. Hmm. Hypnotism gets me my way... You _will _write a new chapter of "All About Him." You _will _write a new chapter of "All About Him." (Sends hypnotic waves across the Atlantic)

**Chapter 7: Uncomfortable?**

**xXx**

"You know, Bobby," Alex said thoughtfully. "All those things I said about you. They're true. So why is it you haven't landed some lucky girl yet?"

"Well, I appreciate it, really, but it's just that I..." The honest answer was that women don't take it well when a man spends the entire evening on the first date talking about another woman. "Just haven't found the right woman, I guess." _Unless of course, you count the one right under my nose_, he mused. Afraid he would give himself away, Bobby turned the table on his partner. "Well, why don't _you _have a relationship?"

"Because all men are slime," Alex informed him.

"Gee, thanks, Eames." He grinned in spite of himself.

She made a guilty face, wincing. "Sorry. But you're not 'all men.' You're 'Bobby.' 'Bobby' is special and nice and considerate and... Well, basically just not the typical male." He was looking at her skeptically. "Believe me, Partner, that's a good thing."

He was so unprepared for deluge of kind words coming from her in the last few minutes he nearly forgot his initial question. "But Eam-"

Alex gave an exasperated sigh. "I've been calling you 'Bobby' for years. Will you call me 'Alex' already? Please tell me it's not because you only see me as a co-worker? We're partners and _friends_, in case you hadn't noticed."

"Sorry, E- Alex," he corrected resolutely. "I certainly don't think of you as a co-worker." He smirked. "To be honest, when you're around, I tend to forget that we're working." He considered this. "Except for, you know, the bodies and the psychos."

Alex choked a laugh. "But the point is," he continued, "Is that there are some decent guys out there, and I can't imagine how you haven't caught one."

"Caught one? You make it sound like I'm going to find a nice guy, club him over the head and drag him back to my cave." Bobby laughed. "Come to think of it," Alex muttered. "It might be a good option."

"I don't think you need to resort to that. But I mean, you're intelligent, funny, kind... and..." He winced. "Well, I don't want to be rude..."

She raised an eyebrow. "If this is you being rude, I can't wait to catch you in a friendly mood. You'd probably give me a sack of money and an ice cream cone. The swirly kind with the hard chocolate coating," she added, earning another sparkling grin. "Seriously, what could you say that I would interpret as rude?"

He shifted uncomfortably. Alex thought it was funny, and was getting an inkling of what he was trying to say. She could have had mercy and prompted him.

_Nah, more fun to watch him squirm. _"Well?" she said, trying to sound clueless and a touch impatient.

"I don't want to offend you," he started nervously.

Alex made an effort not to laugh in his face. He was nothing short of adorable. "Offend me? Please! Yeah, 'cause I always keep it so G-rated around you."

It might have been her imagination, but he thought his arms tightened around her.

"You're very beautiful," Bobby blurted before he could lose his nerve. Encouraged by her warm smile, he clarified: "And I don't say that as a friend. I say it as a man."

Alex positively beamed. Her insides were fluttering. Bobby, in what she suspected was an attempt to hide his reddened face, twirled her. _Okay, scratch fluttering, more like melting. _She felt the heat from her heart down through her body, and she was just sure she was either going to drip into a puddle or float away, take your pick.

"I'm not offended, Bobby," she assured him once they were facing each other again. "Not at all. I'm flattered." She flattened her hands against his pecs and her touch felt so hot to Bobby that he was certain her palms were going to burn holes right through his shirt. "While you're being honest about my appearance:

"Does this dress make me look fat?"

Bobby's eyes became dinner plates and he froze in terror, suddenly incapable of dancing. Alex nearly fell over when she continued her steps and he didn't.

It took the shell-shocked detective a moment to register that his partner was nearly rolling on the floor with hysterical laughter. "Honestly, Bobby," she started laughing again, unable to finish her sentence and nearly in tears. "I wish I had my camera phone right now." Once she had calmed down and coaxed a smile out of Bobby, she patted his chest, then took his chin in her hand. "I never have and never again will ask anyone that question, least of all you. I just like messing with your head." She waited for him to sigh in relief, then added, "You'd probably whip out the bmi index right here and try to figure it out, compensating for the effect of the color and pattern of the dress." He scowled at the teasing, making her laugh again.

Bobby moved her to arms length and allowed himself to be seen looking her up and down. He smiled and said, very quietly, "You look _fantastic _in that dress."

The look in his eyes as he said that made Alex worry that she would soon slip in a puddle of her own drool.

Recovering from her daze and back on topic, she sighed. "So, Detective Goren. If I'm all of those things, why don't I ever get a second date?"

"Well, I've read that a lot of guys are afraid to go on a second date with a woman if they really liked her because they think it would lead to something... big, and they get cold feet." Bobby shrugged. "So maybe your dates like you _too _much."

Far from finding it funny, though his goal had been to make her laugh, she looked at him with a tenderness that was striking. "That's ridiculous, Bobby. But thank you very much." Then she surprised him by laying her head down on his chest.

At their heights, it put her ear squarely over his heart.

**xXx**

Review, or the next chapter gets it!


	8. Meanwhile

****

Fluff

By LMR

Disclaimer: My dog chewed up the deed to CI. So I wrote a disclaimer about it, then my dog chewed that up, too. That would be more believable if I had a dog, wouldn't it?

A note from Chapter Eight: I deeply regret that LMR's cheesy, childish and utterly stupid hostage hoax has caused reader distress and uncertainty about my safety. I assure you all that I am fine and well and currently spending time at my vacation home in Switzerland. I am very moved by the outpouring of concern for my well-being. I will be issuing a full press statement Friday March 13, 1995 at 8:32 and 1/2 p.m. Eastern time. Thank you.

Chapter 8: Meanwhile...

xXx

Though they had discussed the arrangement ahead of time, Tanya and James nevertheless looked a little tentative, if not downright shy about dancing with each other. They looked at the floor, looked at each other, then let out two little laughs.

"I shouldn't feel so awkward," Tanya conceded, voicing their shared discomfort.

He grinned. "I know. I didn't expect to feel so... adolescent." He kicked himself for his choice of words. _Adolescent!? What are you thinking, James! Stupid!_ Getting himself together, he clarified, "I mean, I feel... comfortable with you, but now I sort of feel like I'm on the spot here."

Tanya raised her eyebrows and gave him an "Oh, is that right?" expression. "On the spot, huh? Well I know how to fix that."

"Oh yeah? How's that?" he wondered, the corners of his mouth twitching.

"I mercifully steal the hot seat from you by talking about myself and not listening to a word you say," she quipped, making him laugh. "I'm selfless that way."

"I like that idea," he admitted softly. As a smile spread across Tanya's face, James idly wondered why he found her so attractive. She wasn't the archetypal "dream woman" of the average man. She had a slight figure without the curves that most men found requisite for a woman to be deemed "well-built." Her chest was modest, an A cup, he figured. Her hips were downright boyish. But far from giving her an emaciated supermodel look, it complemented her lively smile and devilishly sparkling eyes to create a vision of immense personality in a small (but appealing) package. _But what I love mo- no, what I _like _most_, he corrected,_ is that dry humor. _James felt it satisfied some thirst he'd never known he had.

He learned that she worked in a "long term care facility," what used to be known as a nursing home. She thought that the name change was ridiculous and delicate to the point of nauseating, and though she tried not to mention it around her coworkers, she sometimes had a hard time keeping such thoughts to herself. Actually, she admitted that she had a hard time keeping a _lot _of thoughts to herself. She was mechanically inclined, and while she nearly radiated femininity, she tended to be a tomboy.

"You're beautiful, for a tomboy," he blurted, once again kicking himself for the ridiculous observation.

It must have sounded as sincere as he felt (and not as stupid as he thought), because an enchanting smile spread across her face. James wondered when he had become such an overly romantic sap, because that smile gave him goosebumps. He found himself wanting to make her smile all the time.

Then he found himself wondering where his brain had gone.

Tanya, on the other hand, was reciting the details of her life without thinking too much about what she was saying. She was thinking about the fact that James was _paying attention to her_. She found herself tempted to get a blood sample and test it for Y chromosomes, just in case. And not only was he listening, he liked what he heard. She could see it in his eyes, the warmth, the amusement, and was that - gasp - affection?

When they got to a pause in their conversation (one-sided as it may have been), James said, "I still feel bad about depriving Bobby of his delightful date. She smiled and her grin only widened as she looked around his shoulder and gestured for him to take a look.

Alex was doubled over with laughter and Bobby, while looking somewhat confused, was beginning to crack a smile as well. They could see him shake his head in defeat and chuckle a little. The look in Bobby's eyes as he gazed at her was enough to James's earlier hunch: He and Tanya were definitely doing their dates a favor.

As Tanya watched Alex's head come to rest on her partner's chest, she smirked and stated the obvious to James. "I get the impression they don't mind too much." She straightened herself up as thought determined to get down to business. "Now," she started. "I have to ask you a few standard first date questions." She made an obviously phony throat-clearing sound. "Are you married?"

James cracked a smile and played along. "No. And by the way, you do have my consent to use a polygraph if you deem that necessary." He made an exaggerated gesture of tilting his head in gentlemanly acquiescence.

Tanya made a determinate effort not to laugh. She made her interrogator face again. "Have you been convicted of a felony, specifically a felony involving duct tape and livestock?" She was met with a questioning glance and hurried to explain. "I dated this guy, Gary and everything about him seemed so perfect but then I found out about something that he did with a goat and som-" She noticed that one of James's eyebrows was raised in an appraising look. She knew that look well. She had crossed the line between delightfully erratic to neurotically disturbed. Most men couldn't take the first without worrying about what kind of date had come crawling out of her straightjacket to go to dinner with them. Few dates had ever seen, let alone tolerated her more extreme ramblings. And she had shared that bit of her with a man on their _first date_?! A first date that wasn't even technically _their _date!? She had scared him away for sure. _Stupid, stupid, stupid! _she chanted to herself, shutting up and staring at her feet.

She looked up from the floor when she heard what she could have sworn was a chuckle. No, that couldn't be right.

"Hey, why did you stop? It was just getting interesting. Come on, you were telling me about Gary and the goat..." he prompted.

Tanya's jaw must have hit the floor. Was he nuts?

Well, he asked for it. "It all started when Gary decided to dress his goat up like a fairy," she started, pulling out whatever came to mind. "He really liked fairies. Except Tinkerbell. He _hated _Tinkerbell. I cannot stress this enough. Anyway, he had bought this dog costume on Ebay. It had big pink lacy wings and a little tutu. It was actually quite cute," she said, as if this thought had just struck her. Tanya looked up at her pseudo-date's face to make sure he wasn't yet ready to throw her in the rubber room. His lips were curled up in an adorable smile. "Trouble was, it was a doggie costume and wasn't meant for a full grown goat. So he took the tutu and put it on one of those old... you know, those exercise machines that work with this rubber strap and it just shakes you really fast?" James nodded, miraculously still attentive. "So he put the tutu on there and used it for a while (he was a pretty skinny guy), and it did stretch it out. The problem was, it had stretch it to the point where there were a few holes in it. That would have been okay, really, except that the tutu was this really light shade of yellow, and the goat ended up looking like the Swiss cheese fairy." She stopped, having finally run out of lunacy to throw at her poor dancing partner.

With a stroke of inspiration, courage, and perhaps a little insanity, she came up with a doosey of an ending for her story:

"I know I told you it had to do with duct tape, but if I took the time to get to that part of the story, I'd still be telling it well into our second date."

xXx

Eek! No Bobby and Alex! We want Bobby and Alex! Doubles will not suffice! (I promise I'll give you Bobby and Alex next time.)


	9. The Chapter With Enough BA to Choke a Ho

**Fluff**

**By LMR**

Disclaimer: I do not own Bobby and Alex. I do own James and Tanya, but I am not deluded enough to believe that anyone gives a fig about them. 

A.N.: This chapter starts with James and Tanya. It is imperative that you DO NOT PANIC! Bobby and Alex will be here soon enough to alleviate your OC overdose and BA withdrawal symptoms.

**Chapter 9: The Chapter With Enough BA to Choke a Horse (and a little of those other guys too)**

**xXx**

James raised an eyebrow. "That's quite an assumption on your part, Tanya."

Tanya felt her face turn what she was sure was an unattractive shade of fuchsia. She looked down at her feet, feeling extremely imbecilic.

Seeing her obvious distress, James rushed to finish his thought: "You're assuming I don't already know what he did with the duct tape. As a matter of fact, I do," he said boastfully. "But I am too much of a gentleman to discuss it." She looked up, her eyes wide in surprise and her chin nearly hitting the dance floor. "Anyway, I'm sure we'll have plenty of better things to talk about on our first official date."

His heart actually skipped a beat at the smile that spread across her face.

xXx

"Well, they seem to be having a good time," Bobby surmised, sounding mildly annoyed.

Alex lifted her head off its favorite perch to look him in the eye. At such close range, she found herself looking at his chin. She was surprised to realize that the lack of stubble annoyed her. It was part of him, part of Bobby, and that made it good. 

She wondered how it would feel against her skin. Her face, her neck-- _Don't go there, Alex!_

She forced herself to focus on what he was saying. _Tanya. James. Good time. Got it. _"Well you really can't sound so glum about that. What do you think we're having here, a funeral?" The song ended, and Bobby and Alex reluctantly separated; gestured to their dates that they were heading back to the table.

Bobby threw a guilty smile at James as he slid into the booth beside his partner. "Sorry, I didn't mean steal your date for so long."

"It's not his fault - I was holding him hostage," Alex informed them casually. Bobby chuckled while Tanya and James exchanged knowing looks.

"I can't blame you," Tanya admitted. She put her hand on that of her date, and watched with some amusement as Alex's eyes narrowed. She quickly changed the subject. "So, what are we having?" she asked cheerfully.

Everyone dived into their menus and they spent a couple minutes in silence looking over the dishes. Bobby was trying to be good. He really was. But he was sandwiched between two intriguing and beautiful women and found it nearly impossible to not find every excuse possible to give them some sort of attention, and the menu, full of Japanese Kanji,was providing ample opportunity. He pointed to a symbol in the entrees section of Alex's. 

"That's Shabu-Shabu, it's basically a meat fondue."

"Oh, okay." Alex turned her attention back to James and conversed quietly about noodle dishes, trying not to think about how good Bobby smelled. Like cloves, sandalwood, and a hint of vanilla, and under that, his own man-smell. _Yummy. _"Here it is. For cultural pudding-heads like me: Americana," she read triumphantly. "Baked cod. Grilled shrimp," she murmured. "Here - broiled steak with sauteed mushrooms and Swiss cheese, perfect." 

Bobby simply nodded, secretly glad that Alex hadn't chosen something that he or one of the others would have to eat for her once she got a look at it. It took him a moment to notice the other reactions her choice was getting.

At the words "Swiss cheese," Tanya had tucked her entire lower lip into her mouth in an attempt to stay quiet, and did her best to think about something that would get the threatening laughter away from her mouth. _Brain-eating zombies, dead puppies, _Titanic_, that stupid song about leaving the cake out in the rain, anything __**not funny!**_

She glanced up at James and that was nearly her undoing. He was staring very intently at his plate, as if he expected it to start broadcasting the sports channel. She could see the corners of his mouth twitching and quickly forced her head down, knowing that if they caught each other's gaze, the laughter would start.

The detectives looked at their dates, looked at each other to make sure they were at least completely missing something _together_, then looked back at their dates. "I think we missed the joke," Alex admitted. 

James and Tanya started up with a string of 'I... uh... well... um's

"Movie we were talking about," Tanya lied easily. She hated trying to explain her blatherings after the fact. They were only good once, if that. She didn't want her real date, her supposedly real date, and her supposedly real date's real date to _all _think she was bonkers. James raised an eyebrow, but said nothing, and she got the sense from his small smile that he understood.

Thankfully, Bobby and Alex had both moved on. Bobby was still trying to decide and Alex, judging by her murmuring, seemed to be looking out of morbid curiosity to see what dishes were served raw. Having decided on a pork soup, Bobby was now amusing himself by trying to persuade her to try sashimi. 

"No way, Bobby. Hey, James, here's one that looks tame." She read: "Asparagus Mushroom Ragu with Goat Cheese."

This was too much. Tanya and James didn't even try to hold in their laughter. They were having fits. When James recovered, he looked up to see his date looking at him with an expression somewhere between bewilderment and fascination. He cleared his throat and attempted to muster up some dignity. He looked everywhere but at Tanya.

"I guess you just had to be there," he admitted meekly.

**xXx**

Please to happily leave review in specified area.


	10. The Lesser Kiss Goodnight

**Fluff**

**By LMR**

Disclaimer: Can't find my deed to CI. Found it! Wait, no, that's my speeding ticket! &#!!

A.N.: Thanks for reviewing, guys!

A.N. 2: I am working on "The Final Barrier." It really is coming. It is not a fig Newton of my imagination that is never actually going to exist. It's just taking a long time because I've got the case plus all those lots and lots of romance scenes to write.

**Chapter 10: The (Lesser) Kiss Goodnight**

**xXx**

Alex wrinkled her nose. "What about your hapless date? Aren't you going to try to talk her into trying some?"

Bobby looked aghast. "That would be rude!" he insisted. Thinking better of it, he turned to Tanya and gestured to his plate. "Tanya, would you like to try some ika sashimi?"

"It's raw squid," Alex said helpfully over his shoulder, as if she thought Tanya hadn't heard.

"Not on your life, Bobby," Tanya replied with a sweet smile.

"James?"

"I'll... Pass." He drug the words out as if uncertain he'd actually been asked.

Turning back to Alex, Bobby gave her a _see, I told you so _look and asked, "Happy?" She rolled her eyes and he nudged his plate toward her. Normally, Bobby would never have acted so... well, _Bobbyish_, on a double date (except that one time with the miniature golfing course with the evil clown trap when his buddy Sam had eaten that bad peanut butter noodle dish and... um... never mind), but he had long since realized that Tanya wasn't his date anyway. There was no double involved. He and Alex were two halves of one third wheel, and rather than be embarrassed or try to beg off, he figured they might as well give them a show with their dinner.

He got the impression that people found him and Eames entertaining in a watchable kind of way.

It was working for James and Tanya, anyway. By the time Bobby had worn Alex down and gotten her to gulp down a piece (Ack! Bobby, if you're trying to get seniority by bumping me off, be warned I will come back as a ghost and make your faucets drip all night every night till you either die of sleep deprivation or suffocate under mountains of unpaid water bills.), they were biting back laughter. By the time Bobby shrugged off her threat by calmly stating that his water bills are on automatic withdraw, the two weren't even trying to hold in the grins. _Dinner and a show_, Alex thought, not sure whether to be amused by the fact that they had such entertainment value or annoyed with James and Tanya for enjoying it- _them _so much.

Walking back to the car, Bobby and Alex spread and pushed their dates to the center, watching them talked, animated, about

Tanya's favorite book. It taught, they learned, copious ways to insult people while making yourself look ludicrously intelligent. She informed James, for instance, that he was "a bit more of a steatopygian than she might normally associate with, but in a very good way." Bobby snorted, but quickly bit it back, raising an eyebrow at Alex as assurance that he would explain later. Tanya, apparently having realized that there was a spy in their midst, groaned and informed him under her breath that he was something of a omphalopsychite.

"Not _that _much time!" Bobby yelped defensively, glancing at his stomach.

"I wanna borrow that book," Alex piped up. "I've got to know how to make him whine like that."

"I was not whining. And she said I spend too much time thinking about my _belly button!" _he said defensively.

"She might have a point," Alex said, pretending to give the matter a great deal of thought. _She'd_ certainly thought about his belly button. Mostly the innie or outie question and how nice it would be to find out, but also some thoughts involving chocolate. She forced the admittedly pleasant thought out of her mind, then poked his belly before opening the door for him, just because she knew the act of reverse chivalry would annoy him senseless. She greeted said annoyance with a smarmy grin.

The ride home consisted Tanya being begged by the other three to insult them, or more often, each other. James bore the brunt of it, furthering Bobby and Alex's belief that he was the most interesting of the two men. To her, anyway. Alex found herself addicted to peeking in the rearview mirror to see if Bobby was still looking at her. Invariably, he was.

Out of courtesy, Alex and James stayed in the car while Bobby said good night to "his" date.

In the most half-hearted attempt at a lie Alex had ever made, she opened her purse and gasped unbelievably. "Oops. Tanya left her lipstick in my purse. I gotta get it back to her." She glanced at James. "You should probably come with me when I go up there. It's so dark outside, and what kind of gentleman would you be if you let your small, helpless little date walk all the way to the porch by herself?" He grinned like a puppy and hopped out of the car like it was his, rather than Alex's, pants that were on fire.

Bobby gave his partner a quizzical look, but trusted her to do whatever she was doing right and conveyed this with a shrugging nod. "Tanya you forgot-" She took a superficial look in her purse before closing it and smiling in a ludicrously phony way. "Oh look at that, you didn't forget a thing. Stupid me." _She glanced at her partner and gestured help me out here, would you?_

"Well…" Bobby started in a prodding kind of voice to James. "Are you going to kiss my date goodnight or aren't you?"

James stopped halfway through a step toward Alex when his brain finally registered what Bobby had said. "Am I what?"

Bobby smiled benevolently. James turned to his date, who was smirking slightly. "Eam- Alex and I know when we're beat." He paused a moment, considering. "It's never happened before, but we know it anyway." Alex raised a brow in confirmation of her partner's words.

Something like epiphany crossed Alex's face as she realized they were staring and she assured the two they would be looking the other way. She and Bobby promptly turned to stare at a rosebush, then smirked at each other.

"Aw, Bobby, our little dates are all grown up." Alex pantomimed wiping a tear from her eye. "By the way, what did she say about him? That first insult?"

"Well, "steatopygian" is a man with a substantial... um... posterior."

"_Butt_, Bobby! The word is _butt_! You can say that in front of me, you know."

"Oh dear, what do suppose they're talking about?" Tanya wondered.

"It sounds like Bobby won't say uh... well... in front of Alex." Tanya stifled her laughter by planting her lips over his. James reflected, in that moment before rational thought shut down entirely, that it was wonderful to be kissing an amazing woman while she laughed.

"You mean she told him he had a fat butt?" Alex hissed at her partner.

Bobby furrowed his brow. "No. The way she said it made it sound like it wasn't very... I'd guess she was using the word to say that it was just about ri- Alex, don't make me talk about this."

_Hmm_, Alex contemplated. _You go think about your belly button and I'll think about your butt. Sound good? I thought so._

**xXx**

Hey, I never said who was in this particular kissing scene! Death threats may go directly to fooledyoufooledyounannynannybooboodotcom


	11. Spitting Out the Truth

**Fluff**

**By LMR**

Disclaimer: I own Criminal Intent. If I am lying, let a spider monkey with gingivitis nom on my nose. OUCH!!

A.N.: Thanks bunches for the reviews guys!! If I am dishonest in my thanks, let me _become _a spider monkey. See, all good, still here!

**Chapter 11: Spitting Out the Truth**

**xXx**

"Thank you, Bobby." Tanya squeezed his hands, rose on tiptoes and pecked him on the cheek. "It's been a wonderful date, and you were a wonderful sort of, kind of date-like person."

He grinned. "You too. And I'm really glad one of us had a real date."

She threw him a look of puzzlement. "What do you mean 'one of us?' You had a date, too," she pointed out, nodding toward Alex, who promptly looked away.

"Wha- E- Alex? No! It's not like that." Tanya gave him a look he recognized. It was the look Alex gave him when she wanted to convey "Oh _reaaaaally?"_ You could hear all the a's in her face. Bobby tried to study the expression on his partner's face now, but she was turned away.

xXx

As long as James was in the car, the small talk flowed easily and Tanya's parting words were forgotten. Saying good night to Alex (privately, this time), James gave her a significant look. "You know, what you two have is special, and..."

She looked affronted. "What we two have is platonic," she said, barely keeping the bite out of her voice.

He looked at the ground and bit his lip. "I really don't want to be rude, or leave this on a bad note, but I wouldn't feel right if I didn't say something. I feel like it would be... cheating you. I think Bobby has romantic feelings for you, and I know it's forward of me, and I'm probably being a jerk." Here Alex shook her head. He wouldn't be the first to say so and he wouldn't be the last. It no longer fazed her. He looked at her for a long minute. "Well, what do you feel?"

"Even if I did have those feelings, which I-" She sighed, resigned. "Okay, yes I do. But he's not interested."

James smiled and gave her a maddeningly smug look. "I spent a lot of time tonight watching him watching you. Longingly. He's nuts about you, Alex. Promise you won't just sweep those feelings under the rug till it's too late, hm?

Alex smiled and nodded, mental fingers crossed behind her back. She pecked him on the cheek, and asked if she could call him about lunch sometime as a purely non-date event.

By the time she got back to the car, her no longer crossed fingers were winding her purse strings in anxiety.

They had gotten two miles down a relatively quiet road, when Bobby blurted out what he'd been meaning to for some time. "Do you think maybe it _is _like that?" Alex just raised an eyebrow, asking him what "it" was. "Tanya said that we were..." He looked at his feet and squirmed in his seat. "On a date of our own. I don't think that," he hurried to add, but not before Alex had slammed on the brakes and driven them onto a deserted parking lot, where she stopped the car and gave him an appraising look. "Out of the car," she said in a completely flat voice that scared Bobby senseless. This sounded like it was going to be a lecture about boundaries.

She stepped up next to him and gave him a weak smile, hoping to put him at ease. "Are you saying you think this might have been a date for us too?" she asked quietly, after a long pause that Bobby spent in abject terror.

He sighed. "I- I don't know," he replied in complete honesty. "What I do know, is that, whatever that was, it was better than any date I've had in years." He dared a look up at her from the asphalt his eyes had been nailed to. "Because you were there. And I guess that isn't not completely outside the realm of possibility that whatever it is we have is more... complicated than the way it started."

"Okay, look. Bobby. I can't lie about this." She looked to be on the verge of tears, knowing that what she was about to say would drastically change her career and her life forever. She took in a deep breath. "I'm very attracted to you. Romantically, I mean." She steeled herself up. "And um, sexually." The last word was an embarrassed whisper. "And I can swallow it and ignore it and get over it and I just beg you not to look for another partner, okay? I won't sexually harass you or anything," she added after a moment's thought.

A look somewhat like puzzlement crossed Bobby's face. He simply stared at her for about thirty seconds.

"Bobby, please say something. You're scaring the living daylights out of me."

Still staring at her with that unsettling look, he tentatively leaned down toward Alex's mouth as she unconsciously reached up to meet him. The kiss was nervous and light, as if Bobby were asking permission to feel affection for her. He pressed his lips a little harder against hers and his hand wandered to her cheek and stroked it absently with his thumb, keeping his kiss gentle. His unoccupied hand wound around the back of her neck and pulled her closer, his kiss growing more insistent now. He broke away from her and raised his eyebrows in a questioning way, clearly saying, "Well, how was that?"

She smiled, still shy. Reading him perfectly, she responded, "Does that mean that you feel... something?"

His hand hadn't moved from her cheek. She leaned into it without thinking. "Yeah, Ea- Alex. I do. A big something."

She bit her lip. "What you said earlier?" He nodded, prompting her to continue. "About the fact that I'm pretty-"

"Beautiful," he corrected firmly. "Very beautiful."

She nodded, her lips curling up into a smile. "Very beautiful, then. And you said that you meant it as a man, not a friend."

Hoping his gaze wasn't more googie-eyed than pride should allow, he nodded. "Definitely."

"Is that why you have the... something?" Alex asked quietly.

Bobby did his best not to look wounded. How could Eames think that about him?

She understood the look. "I'm sorry, Bobby. I know that's not the kind of man you are. It's just that I've dated so many men who just..." She drifted off, not knowing what to say. "I'm sorry," she reiterated. "That was just stupid."

_Well,_ he figured. _If I were a woman trying to date the average American male, I'd probably ask, too. _He took her shoulders and felt her jump under his touch. Bobby gently turned Alex around so her back was resting up against his chest. He put his arms around her waist and lowered his head till his warm breath tickled her neck as he whispered in her ear. "Alex. You are the most special woman I have ever met. You are not a woman to be admired only for her considerable beauty. And you are not a woman to be bedded and forgotten." He rocked her gently back and forth as he spoke. It was a good thing he was holding her up, because Alex was about to melt, not only at his affectionate words, but at the knee-weakening way he delivered them.

"You are a woman to be romanced. A woman for candlelight dinners, red roses and moonlight strolls." Bobby heard Alex give a little "oh" noise, and he could have sworn it was a swooning kind of sound. She felt a rather smug smile bloom against her hair. "A man should pursue you with nothing less than the intent to win your heart.

"And... your love?" he wondered hopefully.

"Heart won," she sighed, wrapping her arms up behind her and around his neck, relishing the feel of his hair under her fingers, loving the way the top of her head fit perfectly under his chin. She leaned back, melting into him and her heart pounded with the understanding that maybe, if their minds were as intertwined as she believed, and his intentions the same, she might very well be falling back against his chest every night for the rest of her life. The thought of it made her so dizzy she was grateful Bobby was holding her up.

"And have I won your-. Never mind." Bobby stopped, deciding not to push his luck.

But wasn't about to let him get away with _that_. She twisted in his arms and rested her hands flat against his chest, enjoying the solid feel of it. Thinking about how much better it would feel if she could lay her skin right over his. "What's that other thing a man ought to try to win from me?" she asked innocently.

He stroked her index finger with his, not even realizing what he was doing. "Your love?" he mumbled, hoping he wasn't making her uncomfortable.

She made a show of pondering this. "Hm. Know what?" She made him answer before continuing. "I took it, put it in a little red box, with a pretty blue bow, and slipped it into your desk drawer when you weren't looking," she said whimsically. She pecked him cheerfully on the cheek. "All yours."

He chuckled. "It is that exquisite weirdness that makes me love you so much. Yes, I love you, Alex," he admitted, stroking her cheek as a smile spread across her face.

Their kiss once again started nervous and light, but within moments, the two moved closer together and deepened it. It went from friendly to passionate within moments. Alex cried out into Bobby's mouth, relishing the taste of him. Trying not to think about the fact that that taste was, in fact, raw squid.

They separated, surprised, electrified and overwhelmed by the connection. "Bobby," Alex said breathlessly. At a loss for what else to say, she finally settled on, "I want to do that again." The words had barely left her lips when they were met by his again, searching each other out, seeking intimacy. He could feel a wicked smile as she snaked a hand up his sweater and found his navel, pressed into it with her finger.

"E-Alex, what?"

She shrugged whimsically. "Ever since Tanya mentioned it, I've been wondering if you're an innie or an outie. Thought I'd check. I've always liked innies best, I think."

"I'd rather that hadn't been the first part of me you decided to cop a feel on," he grumbled. "My stomach is not my best feature."

"No," she said thoughtfully. "That's a tie between your heart… And that adorable little nose." She pondered this. "And your eyes. And your smile. And your hair. And your arms. And… various parts of your anatomy I haven't yet had the opportunity… well you get the idea."

Bobby, who was pickled-beet red by now, decided to quiet her down before she blurted something that would lead to visible indecency on his part. Oh well - if he had to make her shut up, he couldn't think of a better way to do it than what he was doing now: pressing his lips against hers in another burning kiss. Had they really only kissed each other three times? They melted together so easily they could have been lovers for years.

"You feel so good, Bobby," Alex said, somewhat awed. She paused, thoughtful. "Can I have some more of your spit, please?" They laughed and kissed again. And again. And again.

**xXx**

How do you like my Un-Untethered story? Fluffy enough? Enough spit-swapping? I considered mentioning a few other places Bobby's spit should wind up, but I want to keep it K rated here. ;)


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